Should Aging Parents Live With Their Adult Children?

Takeaways

• Multigenerational living, with adult children and older parents living together, is becoming more prevalent.
• Factors to consider before moving a parent into your home include household harmony, lifestyle compatibility, space availability, and accessibility.
• Alternatives to having a parent live with you include shared living with other seniors, retirement communities, and professional in-home care.

Aging in place continues to increase in popularity. However, what to do when you notice an older loved one having trouble living safely at home is an issue many families eventually face.

Warning Signs That Your Loved One Is Struggling

When visiting your aging parent or relative, you may notice they have lost weight, seem disoriented or lonely, or are exhibiting depressive behaviors. When these signs reveal themselves to you, it may be time for you to consider having your parent or older relative move in with you or to a senior living community where the situation is safer. Check your loved one’s home for the following:

• A dirty home in poor repair
• Unpaid bills
• Piles of mail
• Out-of-date and spoiled food
• Poor personal hygiene
• Trouble managing medications

A shift began in the living trends of a century ago when most seniors lived with their adult children in a multigenerational house. This so-called “reverse boomerang” effect appears to be on the uptick once again.

According to Pew Research Center data, 15 percent of 25- to 34-year-olds who headed a household in 2021 had a parent or other older family member living with them. Pew also reports that older parents moving in with their adult children is contributing to the long-term rise in shared living.

Considerations Before Moving a Parent into Your Home

If you’re thinking about moving your loved one into your home, there are several things to consider before making a move.

• How will it affect other current household members, spouses, or children?
• Does everyone get along, or will you be importing conflict?
• Are your lifestyles compatible regarding quiet hours and entertaining guests?
• Are smoking or alcohol a habit that needs consideration?
• Is your home large enough, or will someone have to give up their room?
• Is your home suitable for the needs of your loved one?
• Can they be housed on a single floor without having to use stairs?
• Can your parents bring their familiar belongings and furniture with them?

You may be able to create an in-law apartment with a separate entrance or invest in a backyard cottage. If not, what modifications can you make to create a safer environment?

• Nightlights
• Removal of area rugs
• Adding grab bars in the shower
• Additional handrails on the stairs

Who Will Do the Primary Caregiving for Your Parent?

Having a parent live with you should not mean you are always at their service. Many well-meaning adult children make this mistake. In the beginning, a parent is usually fairly self-sufficient. Still, in time they will require more, and if you don’t begin your living experiment with outside help, you will fall into a trap where your time is no longer your own.

Share tasks with other family members and have them do their part. Find local senior support services and check out professional in-home care to ensure your loved one becomes accustomed to others providing help to them.

What Are the Alternatives to Having Your Parent in Your Home?

Living in a family multigenerational home isn’t for everyone. Your parent might prefer shared living with other senior adults, like a roommate experience. Or perhaps a retirement community with defined living stages, transitioning from independent to assisted and full-time care, as necessary.

Many families find living together can save money but not necessarily their sanity. They look for alternative living arrangements for their parents so that everyone has their own space. Talk it out as a family; even if the conversation is difficult to have, it’s better than responding to a catastrophic fall or illness, forcing a decision to find housing for your parent.

Having a Discussion With Your Loved One

Determine how your aging loved one feels about the next step when they can no longer live alone; their thoughts may surprise you. It can help to speak with an elder law attorney to address issues that invariably present themselves. You might consider the following:

• If your parent sells their home, how will they handle the profit?
• Should you ask for a monthly financial contribution?
• Are you allowed to claim your parents as dependents on your tax return?
• Who will handle managing your parent’s accounts and payments?
• Who will take your parents to run errands or attend doctor’s appointments?

Goodwill goes a long way to a successful living arrangement, but so does preparedness. Having a preset structure to address issues will allow you to focus on enjoying your time with your loved one.

If you have questions or would like to discuss your personal situation, consider working with an experienced elder law attorney near you. Experts in elder law can help families with issues that affect seniors who may be experiencing declining health. If you are faced with making a decision about your loved one’s living arrangements at your home, in assisted living, or a nursing home facility, an elder law attorney can help you create a plan.

For additional reading on this topic, check out the following articles:

• Getting Help When Providing Care at Home for Aging Parents
• Caregiver Contracts: How to Pay a Family Member for Care
• PACE Program Helps Seniors Live at Home